


again, again

by sulf3r



Category: Naruto
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Baggage, Fourth Shinobi War, Hatake Kakashi Has Issues, Inspired by a Hozier Song, M/M, Minor Character(s), POV Second Person, Survivor Guilt, idk what i'm doing here i just wanted a mcflurry, nothing new there, rated teen for literally like 1 or 2 swear words, shit is so gay im sorry, this is a shitpost, which is all i write for some reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29702400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sulf3r/pseuds/sulf3r
Summary: He did it all for the better of everyone, for the village, for Rin, for you.It was never just for himself. The world has the nerve to call him selfish, too.Now what about you?You are Kakashi Hatake, and you have been mourning a living, breathing man for twenty years.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	again, again

**Author's Note:**

> hi im back with kakashi projecting on my part  
> ★ thank you to @UmbrellaOmens aka jole for beta-ing

* * *

The way death takes you doesn’t last. You die, you’re _dead_ , it’s over, it’s finally over, but it’s not, and you’ll be back soon enough.

Your death wasn’t permanent, it wasn’t more than another scratch added to your conscience. Your physical wounds were never the ones that lasted anyways, it was always the emotional ones that scabbed over and bled when you touched them. Your death was merely forgotten. That was for the best, though. Some vengeful, probably wise god kept you alive because you aren’t _allowed_ to die, _what happens when the village loses one of its best?_

Obito’s death wasn’t either. You spent twenty years mourning him uselessly, sitting in front of his grave every damned day, beating yourself up for a casualty that didn't even _happen,_ because here he is.

Here he _was_ , because not even a day after the person you've known to be dead for two decades is suddenly alive again, he's gone. He won’t come back, he won’t magically appear before you in the dead of the night, after a good five hours of you talking to the graves of people who don’t exist anymore. Not that that would've happened to begin with, but you used to be hopeful. Maybe that should've stuck for a little longer.

His death, his real one, wasn’t even all that exciting. It was a simple miscalculation, an overrule. Strong being beaten by stronger. A simple stroke of fate, maybe karma, if you were a crueler man.

But he died a hero, brandishing the never-ending pride of a village with not all that much to be proud of.

In your eyes, he’d always be a hero. It wouldn’t matter how many he’d killed or how many nations he’d destroyed or how many wars he'd started. But this is real, it isn’t some fantasy you’ve built up in your head, not delusional, grief-induced hero worship for the person who deserved it before they fucking _died_.

It’s real and Obito is real, and he was standing right in front of you.

You now know everything he’s done, all of it because of you. All because you couldn't listen well enough, couldn't abide by a simple request that meant more than your _life._

It hurts, but that isn't exactly a new feeling. 

Everything, every flick of a wrist, every action, every attack and every life stolen by his hands was with purpose. He’s just trying to make everything better. He’s exactly like he was, that bright eyed little kid with the stupid fucking goggles that he didn’t even need to wear. He wants to create a new world, one where everyone can be happy and where he can be with the girl that you failed to protect.

You thought nothing he was had stayed, but you were wrong. So, so wrong.

He’s the same. Maybe a little rough around the edges, but the same, more or less.

  


(He was always smiling.

He isn’t smiling now.

We all know who’s fault that is.)

  


He did it all for the better of everyone, for the village, for Rin (god, _Rin_ ), for _you_.

It was never just for himself. The universe has the nerve to call him selfish, too.

Now what about you? You, in every title and all of your fame and renown, mean nothing. You are dispassionate in close to everything, there is hardly anything behind your blade, your mask, no story behind the blood on your hands. All of it was _duty,_ all because the village needs you to function.

And the universe has the nerve to call _you_ an exceptional soldier, a hero. Insane. 

Obito is so unbelievably good and he is everything you wish you could be and everything you want, everything you yearn for. He is so unbelievably determined and fights so hard and gets nothing from the world he cares so much about in return. He is such an undeniable presence, while you might as well be a plume of smoke, untouchable and hardly even there.

Part of you knows it would be better if the world hated you outright instead. If every god knew you were foul and selfish, and that they could punish you with a fast fate, like death or a simple damnation to hell or something. But it doesn't know that, and instead, it views you as one of it's strongest soldiers, as if you can simply just _take_ it.

You say that, but you do. You force yourself to handle everything the universe throws at you because

_what happens when the village loses one of its best?_

  


Obito wouldn't have wanted you to feel that way. Of course he would think about that sort of thing. He always thought you deserved better. He said so even before he tried to kill you, and before you tried to kill him. Always the considerate idiot.

He was smiling at you when he died. _Again._ He knew that was the end, he knew everything he had done had brought him to this point. He had the audacity to believe you to be someone he could trust with his dying wish. As if that went well the last time.

You don't say anything, though. You let him put some faith in you, and you let him look at you like you're the only thing that matters. You've never been able to stop him before, anyways. What's another failure, among years upon years of it?

* * *

_"I never learned how to stop missing you, you know._ _Even when I was supposed to hate you. I kinda did, I guess. But I didn't, if that makes sense."_

_"That makes no sense at all."_  


_"Of course you'd say that, you bastard."_

_"Very funny."_

* * *

  


You are Kakashi Hatake, The Legendary Copy-Nin of the Leaf, the future Rokudaime Hokage, the Friend Killer, the son of the White Fang, the last Hatake, the last remaining member of Minato Namikaze's Team 7. You are Kakashi Hatake and you lost your best friend nearly two decades ago, only to lose most of everything else shortly after.

You are Kakashi Hatake and you hadn't cried in 18 years.

You'd figured you'd forgotten how. 

  


  


You guess not. Losing someone does that to people. 

* * *

  


**Author's Note:**

> my formatting is a mess as usual  
> ★ thx 4 reading  
> twt: kakashi thinker | tumblr: crabtrademark  
> kudos/comments make me fall in love with you


End file.
